Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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