Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
