He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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