I want to have your abortion
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize