My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
