So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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