I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
