honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
