I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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