we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
