How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
