elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
