you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
