I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize