I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
