Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
