what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
