I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
