I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
