Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
