Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
