Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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