Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
