in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
