I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
