If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize