you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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