just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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