I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The uberlube is also flammable
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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