I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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