i just wanna soil my oats bro
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
