Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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