I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
