Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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