I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
