I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
