I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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