I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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