Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
