just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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