she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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