Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
