He is an equal opportunity slut.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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