First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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