so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
