I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
