perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
