I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
