You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize