i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
