if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
