you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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