I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
