Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
