Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
