I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize