Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
