we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
