Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
