I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
nutella sex= disaster
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
