I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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