K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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