Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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