My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
