He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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