Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
