All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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