bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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